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Philemon

Growing Up in God’s Family

God’s Word describes the body of believers as “brothers and sisters” and “co-heirs” with Jesus, and when Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He began by saying, “Our Father.” Why?

We’re a family in Christ. And like any family, God’s family is filled with people in all stages of spiritual development: newborn believers, those still adolescent in their walk, and the spiritually mature.

Join Chuck Swindoll as he takes an in-depth look at the stages of growth that characterize the Christian walk.

Spiritual maturity is not an automatic result of time; it is a process of intentional growth. In this series, Pastor Chuck Swindoll explores the “ages and stages” of the Christian life. By comparing spiritual development to human physical growth—from infancy to adulthood—Chuck provides a roadmap for identifying immaturity and pursuing the “solid food” of a deep, seasoned relationship with Christ.

Message 1: Analysis of a Crop Failure

  • Overview: Why do some Christians stop growing? Using the Parable of the Soils, Chuck analyzes the internal and external “choke points” that prevent the Word of God from producing a harvest in a believer’s life.
  • Key Fact: Spiritual “crop failure” is rarely a seed problem; it is almost always a soil problem involving the distractions of the world or a lack of depth in the heart.
  • Scripture Reference: Matthew 13:1–23

Message 2: Growing Up in God’s Family

  • Overview: An introduction to the family dynamics of the Kingdom. Chuck establishes that every believer enters God’s family as a “newborn” and outlines the biblical expectation for consistent maturation.
  • Key Fact: Just as physical growth is the natural result of health, spiritual growth is the natural result of a healthy connection to the Head of the Church, Jesus Christ.
  • Scripture Reference: 1 John 2:12–14

Message 3: Ages and Stages of Growing Up

  • Overview: Chuck explores the distinct phases of spiritual life mentioned by the Apostle John: little children, young men, and fathers.
  • Key Fact: Each stage of spiritual growth has its own unique strengths (such as the energy of “young men”) and its own unique vulnerabilities.
  • Scripture Reference: 1 John 2:12–14

Message 4: Birth and Infancy: Survival Basics

  • Overview: Every believer starts at the same place: spiritual infancy. This message focuses on the “survival basics” of the new life in Christ, primarily the craving for the “pure milk of the word.”
  • Key Fact: Spiritual infants are characterized by a total dependence on others for “feeding” and a high need for protection and basic nurture.
  • Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 2:1–3

Message 5: Look . . . I’m Walking!

  • Overview: The transition from being a passive recipient of the Word to an active doer. Chuck discusses the first steps of spiritual obedience and the “wobbles” that often accompany early growth.
  • Key Fact: Spiritual “walking” begins when a believer moves from merely hearing the Truth to applying it in daily, practical decisions.
  • Scripture Reference: Hebrews 5:11–14

Message 6: The Delights of Childhood

  • Overview: Childhood is a season of wonder and simple trust. Chuck encourages believers to maintain a “childlike” faith—characterized by curiosity and dependence—without becoming “childish.”
  • Key Fact: Jesus taught that the Kingdom of God belongs to those who approach Him with the humility and openness of a child.
  • Scripture Reference: Mark 10:13–16

Message 7: Adult Talk about “Childish Things”

  • Overview: There is a point where a believer must “put away childish things.” Chuck identifies the behaviors that are appropriate for a child but indicate a lack of growth in an adult believer.
  • Key Fact: “Childishness” in the church is often manifested through divisiveness, jealousy, and a focus on self-interest rather than the needs of the Body.
  • Scripture Reference: 1 Corinthians 13:11; 1 Corinthians 3:1–3

Message 8: Three Proofs of Growth

  • Overview: How do you measure spiritual maturity? Chuck provides three objective benchmarks: a growing knowledge of Christ, an increasing discernment of truth, and a deepening stability in character.
  • Key Fact: Maturity is not measured by how much you know, but by how much your knowledge has transformed your character.
  • Scripture Reference: 2 Peter 3:18; Ephesians 4:13–15

Message 9: Adolescents in Adult Bodies

  • Overview: A challenging message regarding spiritual “arrested development.” Chuck describes the frustration of being chronologically old in the faith but spiritually immature.
  • Key Fact: Spiritual adolescence is marked by a “know-it-all” attitude combined with a lack of consistent, sacrificial responsibility.
  • Scripture Reference: Hebrews 5:12; 1 Corinthians 3:1–4

Message 10: When Peter Pan Comes to Church

  • Overview: Drawing on the literary figure who refused to grow up, Chuck addresses the “Peter Pan syndrome” in the church—believers who want the benefits of the family without the responsibilities of adulthood.
  • Key Fact: A healthy church requires “fathers and mothers” in the faith who are willing to mentor the next generation rather than remaining perpetual consumers.
  • Scripture Reference: Philippians 3:12–16

Message 11: What’s Right about Adolescence?

  • Overview: While adolescence can be a time of turmoil, it also brings passion and strength. Chuck explores how the zeal of “young men” in the faith is vital for spiritual warfare and church health.
  • Key Fact: Spiritual adolescents often possess the “word of God abiding in them” and the strength to overcome the evil one in ways that more passive believers do not.
  • Scripture Reference: 1 John 2:14

Message 12: Reasons We Resist Becoming Mature

  • Overview: Why do we stay small? Chuck identifies the common hurdles to growth: the comfort of the familiar, a fear of what God might ask of us, and a lack of spiritual discipline.
  • Key Fact: Resistance to growth is often a subtle form of self-protection that keeps us from the “abundant life” Christ promised.
  • Scripture Reference: Hebrews 6:1–3; Galatians 5:1

Message 13: The Church: Who Needs It?

  • Overview: Growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Chuck makes a compelling case for the necessity of the local church as the “greenhouse” where spiritual maturity is cultivated through fellowship and accountability.
  • Key Fact: Isolation is the enemy of maturity; we are commanded to “provoke one another to love and good works” through regular gathering.
  • Scripture Reference: Hebrews 10:24–25

Message 14: A Story for Adults to Remember

  • Overview: Using a narrative approach, Chuck shares a powerful “story of growth” that illustrates the shift from self-centeredness to God-centeredness.
  • Key Fact: Biblical stories and parables serve as “mirrors” that allow us to see our own spiritual standing more clearly than abstract lists.
  • Scripture Reference: Luke 15:11–32

Message 15: A Song for Adults to Sing

  • Overview: A message on the role of worship and gratitude in the life of a mature believer. Chuck explores how our “song” changes as we grow deeper in the Lord.
  • Key Fact: The mature believer’s worship is rooted in the “theology of the soul” rather than just the emotions of the moment.
  • Scripture Reference: Psalm 40:1–3; Colossians 3:16

Message 16: Growing Up in God’s Family

  • Overview: The series finale. Chuck synthesizes the lessons learned into a final call to pursue Christ with everything we have, moving toward the goal of “fullness in Christ.”
  • Key Fact: The ultimate goal of growing up in God’s family is to reflect the character of the Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, to a watching world.
  • Scripture Reference: Ephesians 4:11–16

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God’s Masterwork, Volume Six

Do you need a biblical pick-me-up? The New Testament contains 13 letters written by the apostle Paul that explain theology, correct faults, encourage godly living, and outline the structure and function of the church. God’s Masterwork, Volume Six: Letters to God’s People—A Survey of Romans–Philemon describes how these topics apply to your life today.

In God’s Masterwork, Volume Six, Chuck Swindoll reminds listeners that even though the apostle wrote during the first century AD, Paul’s epistles comprise God’s inspired, inerrant Word, which applies to your life today. So, you can read these New Testament letters as if Paul addressed them to you!

Enjoy God’s Masterwork, Volume Six, and grow in your love and obedience to Christ.


In this sixth volume of the God’s Masterwork survey, Pastor Chuck Swindoll explores the thirteen New Testament epistles written by the apostle Paul (Romans through Philemon). These letters form the theological core of the Christian faith, addressing everything from the mechanics of salvation and the mystery of the church to practical instructions for leadership, marriage, and handling conflict. By studying these “letters to God’s people,” we discover that the ancient wisdom provided to the early church is exactly what we need to thrive in the modern world.

Message 1. Romans: Cornerstone of Christian Truth

  • Overview: A grand theological treatise that methodically explains the gospel, beginning with humanity’s need for a Savior and ending with the practical outworking of grace in daily life.
  • Key Fact: Romans has been the primary instrument God has used to shape the minds of history’s greatest theologians, from Augustine to Martin Luther.
  • Scripture: Romans 1:16 – “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.”

Message 2. 1 Corinthians: Conflicts at Church

  • Overview: Paul addresses a “problem church” struggling with division, lawsuits, and moral compromise, providing the timeless corrective of love and spiritual discipline.
  • Key Fact: The famous “Love Chapter” (1 Corinthians 13) was originally written as a corrective for a church that was abusing spiritual gifts and neglecting character.
  • Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:13 – “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Message 3. 2 Corinthians: A Man and His Ministry

  • Overview: The most personal of Paul’s letters, where he defends his apostolic authority and explains the beauty of God’s power being displayed through human weakness.
  • Key Fact: This book teaches that our “jars of clay” (weakness) are intentional so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be seen as from God and not us.
  • Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

Message 4. Galatians: Letter of Liberation

  • Overview: A fierce defense of the gospel of grace against legalism. Paul argues that we are justified by faith alone and called to live in spiritual freedom.
  • Key Fact: Galatians is often called the “Magna Carta of Christian Liberty” because it liberates the believer from the burden of trying to earn God’s favor through the Law.
  • Scripture: Galatians 5:1 – “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”

Message 5. Ephesians: True Portrait of the Church

  • Overview: Focuses on the “mystery” of the church—the body of Christ. It details our high position in the heavenly places and our calling to walk in a manner worthy of that position.
  • Key Fact: The first three chapters focus on our wealth in Christ (position), while the last three focus on our walk for Christ (practice).
  • Scripture: Ephesians 2:8–9 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith… it is the gift of God; not as a result of works.”

Message 6. Philippians: Joy in Abundance

  • Overview: Written from a prison cell, this “letter of joy” emphasizes that true contentment is found in Christ, regardless of external circumstances.
  • Key Fact: The word “joy” or “rejoice” appears sixteen times in just four short chapters.
  • Scripture: Philippians 4:4 – “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!”

Message 7. Colossians: Christ, Our All in All

  • Overview: A powerful declaration of the supremacy and preeminence of Jesus Christ, written to combat early forms of Gnosticism and legalism.
  • Key Fact: Paul argues that because “in Christ all the fullness of Deity dwells,” we are made complete in Him and need no other secret knowledge or ritual.
  • Scripture: Colossians 1:18 – “He is also head of the body, the church… so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.”

Message 8. 1 Thessalonians: A Heart-to-Heart Talk

  • Overview: A warm, encouraging letter to a young church, focusing on their growth in faith and the comforting hope of Christ’s return (the Rapture).
  • Key Fact: Every single chapter in 1 Thessalonians ends with a reference to the second coming of Jesus Christ.
  • Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 4:16 – “For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout… and the dead in Christ will rise first.”

Message 9. 2 Thessalonians: Christ’s Coming . . . My Response

  • Overview: Written to correct a misunderstanding that the “Day of the Lord” had already come, Paul urges the believers to stay busy and remain steadfast.
  • Key Fact: This letter clarifies that while we wait for Christ, we must avoid being “undisciplined” or idle, but should work and serve faithfully.
  • Scripture: 2 Thessalonians 2:15 – “So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught.”

Message 10. 1 Timothy: Wise Counsel for Shepherds

  • Overview: The first of the “Pastoral Epistles,” giving Timothy instructions on church leadership, sound doctrine, and the qualifications for overseers and deacons.
  • Key Fact: Paul wrote this letter to ensure that Timothy knew “how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God.”
  • Scripture: 1 Timothy 4:12 – “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather… show yourself an example.”

Message 11. 2 Timothy: Paul’s Swan Song

  • Overview: Paul’s final letter, written from a cold Roman dungeon shortly before his execution. He urges Timothy to “preach the word” and stay faithful until the end.
  • Key Fact: This book contains Paul’s “final words,” where he famously declares, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.”
  • Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16 – “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.”

Message 12. Titus: Talk for Pastors

  • Overview: Written to Titus on the island of Crete, this letter focuses on the importance of “good deeds” as the natural fruit of sound doctrine.
  • Key Fact: Paul emphasizes that the church’s leadership must be strong to silence “rebellious men” and “empty talkers.”
  • Scripture: Titus 2:11–12 – “For the grace of God has appeared… instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires.”

Message 13. Philemon: An Appeal for Grace and Forgiveness

  • Overview: A personal postcard to a slave-owner named Philemon, asking him to receive back his runaway slave, Onesimus, no longer as a slave but as a beloved brother.
  • Key Fact: This short letter is a masterpiece of Christian diplomacy and a beautiful illustration of the power of reconciliation.
  • Scripture: Philemon 1:17 – “If then you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me.”

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New Testament Postcards

Don’t Lose God’s Postcards in the Junk Mail of Lies

In a world where fiction about God is presented as fact and where lies often overshadow the truth, we need a fresh reminder from God’s Word to strengthen our faith. The New Testament includes four “postcards”—short but powerful—that help us stand firm in what we believe.

The postcards—Philemon, 2 John, 3 John, and Jude—address some of the most important issues for Christians today, such as forgiveness, generosity, and discernment, as well as the foundational tenets of our faith—the person, work, and supremacy of Jesus Christ. Join Chuck Swindoll as he shares the hope-filled message of grace through Christ contained in these postcards. The New Testament Postcards: A Study of Philemon, 2 John, 3 John, and Jude CD series will prepare you to better understand and live out your faith.


The New Testament includes four short but powerful books that act like divine postcards. In this six-part series, Pastor Chuck Swindoll explores Philemon, 2 John, 3 John, and Jude. These brief letters address monumental issues: the beauty of forgiveness, the necessity of discernment, the dangers of false teaching, and the call to guard the “faith once for all delivered to the saints.”

Message 1. A Postcard to Philemon (Philemon)

  • Overview: A personal letter from Paul to a wealthy friend regarding a runaway slave, Onesimus. It illustrates the transformative power of grace that turns a “useless” slave into a “useful” brother.
  • Key Fact: This letter provides a radical biblical model for conflict resolution and restitution, showing that grace does not ignore the law but fulfills it through love.
  • Scripture: Philemon 1:17–18 – Paul’s offer of substitution: “If then you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me. But if he has wronged you in any way… charge that to my account.”

Message 2. A Postcard to a Lady and Her Kids (2 John)

  • Overview: Addressed to “the chosen lady,” this letter emphasizes the delicate balance between walking in truth and walking in love.
  • Key Fact: John warns that hospitality should not be extended to those who deliberately bring false doctrine, as doing so makes one a participant in their evil deeds.
  • Scripture: 2 John 1:6 – “And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments.”

Message 3. A Postcard of Candid Truth (3 John)

  • Overview: Contrasts the character of three men: Gaius (the hospitable servant), Diotrephes (the prideful leader), and Demetrius (the man of good testimony).
  • Key Fact: The letter exposes “Diotrephes-style” leadership—loving to be first and rejecting apostolic authority—as a toxic influence in the church.
  • Scripture: 3 John 1:4 – “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.”

Message 4. The Acts of the Apostates (Jude 1–16)

  • Overview: Jude intended to write about “our common salvation” but was compelled to shift his focus to warn against “apostates”—those who have crept in to turn grace into licentiousness.
  • Key Fact: Jude uses vivid imagery from nature (clouds without water, waves of the sea) and history (Sodom and Gomorrah) to describe the character and certain judgment of false teachers.
  • Scripture: Jude 1:3 – The call to “contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints.”

Message 5. Why Bother to Battle? (Jude 17–23)

  • Overview: Answers the question of how to maintain a positive, grace-filled faith while living in a culture of skepticism and false teaching.
  • Key Fact: Believers are called to “keep themselves in the love of God” while showing mercy to those who are doubting or being led astray.
  • Scripture: Jude 1:21 – “Keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life.”

Message 6. Get Your Act Together! (Jude 24–25)

  • Overview: The series concludes with the famous doxology of Jude, shifting the focus from the battle against apostasy to the absolute security and glory of God.
  • Key Fact: No matter how dark the times or how prevalent the lies, God is “able to keep you from stumbling” and present you blameless before His presence.
  • Scripture: Jude 1:24 – “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy.”

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Character Counts: Building a Life That Pleases God

Got Character?

Character is the moral, ethical, and spiritual fortification that keeps life steady through the tremors of compromise. Our character dictates the kinds of decisions we make and determines how we will treat those around us. Unfortunately, in today’s world, this important trait is in short supply.

More than anything, our culture needs men and women of God who are committed to character—to integrity in both their public and private lives. Join Chuck Swindoll for Character Counts: Building a Life That Pleases God as he helps you:

  • Understand your need for character and its impact on every aspect of life
  • Cultivate the essential traits of biblical character found in God’s Word

This series will help you to become a person distinguished by godly character so you can make a meaningful impact on the world around you.


Character is the moral and spiritual foundation that stabilizes our lives when the pressure to compromise arises. In this 12-part series, Pastor Chuck Swindoll draws from the lives of diverse biblical figures—from well-known heroes to obscure servants—to illustrate the essential traits of godly character. By examining their victories and struggles, we learn how to cultivate integrity, discernment, and faithfulness in a culture where these qualities are often in short supply.

Message 1. They, Being Dead, Still Speak (Hebrews 11:32–38)

  • Overview: An introduction to the “Hall of Faith,” highlighting that God uses flawed but faithful people to model character traits that transcend time.
  • Key Fact: God preserved the record of biblical lives not for entertainment, but as blueprints for our own moral and spiritual development.
  • Scripture: Hebrews 11:32 – Paul lists Gedeon, Barak, Samson, Jephthae, David, and Samuel as examples of those who through faith “conquered kingdoms” and “performed acts of righteousness.”

Message 2. The Discernment of Abigail (1 Samuel 25:1–35)

  • Overview: Abigail’s wisdom and quick action prevented a vengeful David from committing a grave mistake, illustrating the power of discernment under pressure.
  • Key Fact: Discernment is the ability to see through a situation to the heart of the matter and respond with grace and truth.
  • Scripture: 1 Samuel 25:32–33 – David’s gratitude: “Blessed be the Lord… and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed.”

Message 3. The Refreshment of Onesiphorus (2 Timothy 1:15–18)

  • Overview: A look at the rare character trait of loyalty, as seen in a man who sought out a lonely Apostle Paul in a Roman dungeon.
  • Key Fact: Onesiphorus was not ashamed of Paul’s chains; he went out of his way to find and “refresh” him during his darkest hour.
  • Scripture: 2 Timothy 1:16 – “The Lord grant mercy to the house of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.”

Message 4. A Plea for Integrity (Psalm 15)

  • Overview: David asks, “Who may abide in Your tent?” The answer is a character checklist focusing on honesty, reliability, and fairness.
  • Key Fact: Integrity is defined by “walking with integrity” and “speaking the truth in his heart,” even when no one is looking.
  • Scripture: Psalm 15:2 – “He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.”

Message 5. Reinstatement of a Runaway (The Book of Philemon)

  • Overview: The story of Onesimus and Philemon demonstrates the character traits of forgiveness, restitution, and the transformative power of the Gospel.
  • Key Fact: In Christ, a “useless” runaway slave becomes a “useful” brother, showing that character can be completely rebuilt by grace.
  • Scripture: Philemon 1:11 – “Who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me.”

Message 6. Coping with the ‘Slough of Despond’ (Psalm 42)

  • Overview: Explores the character required to handle discouragement and depression, using the imagery of John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress.
  • Key Fact: Character is tested most in the valleys; we must learn to “hope in God” even when the soul is in despair.
  • Scripture: Psalm 42:5 – “Why are you in despair, O my soul?… Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him.”

Message 7. Being a Balanced Woman of God (Proverbs 31:10–31)

  • Overview: A study of the “Excellent Wife,” emphasizing that her character is built on the fear of the Lord rather than fleeting charm or beauty.
  • Key Fact: True beauty is internal; a balanced woman is praised for her wisdom, diligence, and compassion.
  • Scripture: Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

Message 8. Beyond Charm and Beauty (Selected Scriptures)

  • Overview: Expands on the idea that character is the only thing that withstands the test of time, contrasting external appearances with internal substance.
  • Key Fact: While society prizes the superficial, God looks at the heart and the “imperishable quality” of a gentle and quiet spirit.
  • Scripture: 1 Peter 3:3–4 – “Your adornment must not be merely external… but let it be the hidden person of the heart.”

Message 9. A Vote in Favor of Fatherhood (Selected Scriptures)

  • Overview: Highlights the essential character traits of a godly father: provider, protector, and spiritual leader.
  • Key Fact: The greatest gift a father can give his children is the consistency of his own character.
  • Scripture: Proverbs 20:7 – “A righteous man who walks in his integrity—How blessed are his sons after him.”

Message 10. Top Temptations Fathers Face (Selected Scriptures)

  • Overview: Addresses the specific character challenges that men face in a secular culture, from the lure of the workplace to moral compromise.
  • Key Fact: Temptation is not sin, but yielding to it reveals a lack of spiritual fortification.
  • Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:13 – God provides a “way of escape” so that we can endure temptation.

Message 11. How to Make the Truth ‘Stick’ (Deuteronomy 6:1–9)

  • Overview: Explores the character of a teacher or parent in transferring truth to the next generation through a life lived out loud.
  • Key Fact: Truth is most “sticky” when it is modeled in the home through the natural rhythms of life.
  • Scripture: Deuteronomy 6:7 – “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way.”

Message 12. Survival Training for the School Jungle (Selected Scriptures)

  • Overview: Provides character principles for students (and those in high-pressure environments) to stay true to their convictions in a hostile culture.
  • Key Fact: Like Daniel in Babylon, we can “purpose in our hearts” not to defile ourselves with the world’s standards.
  • Scripture: Daniel 1:8 – “But Daniel made up his mind [purposed in his heart] that he would not defile himself.”

Common Questions: Character Counts

1. Is character something you are born with or something you develop? As Pastor Chuck explains throughout the series, character is “built.” It is the result of thousands of small decisions to obey God rather than compromise. While we may have natural temperaments, biblical character is the work of the Holy Spirit transforming our hearts.

2. What is the difference between “reputation” and “character”? Reputation is what people think you are; character is who you are in the dark when no one is looking. The message on Psalm 15 clarifies that true character is rooted in the “truth in the heart.”

3. Why is Abigail considered a model of “discernment”? In “The Discernment of Abigail,” it is noted that she recognized David’s anger was leading him to a sinful act of vengeance. She used her wisdom to protect David’s future as king by providing a “way of escape” that was both humble and truthful.

4. How does Onesimus show that character can change? Onesimus was a runaway slave who had likely stolen from his master, Philemon. After meeting Paul and finding Christ, he returned to make restitution. This shows that the Gospel doesn’t just forgive our past; it reconstructs our character for a “useful” future.

5. How can I protect my character when I feel like I’m in a “school jungle” or a hostile workplace? Drawing from the example of Daniel, the series suggests “purposing in your heart” before the pressure starts. If you decide ahead of time what your non-negotiables are, you are far more likely to stand firm when tested.

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