Practical Advice on Making a Marriage Stick

In this urgently practical and deeply convicting message, Chuck Swindoll addresses the mechanics of a marriage that lasts. He begins by observing that while most couples start their journey with high hopes and grand romantic ideals, they often lack the "functional wisdom" needed to navigate the daily friction of two sinners living under one roof. Drawing from the closing verses of Ephesians 4, Chuck argues that a "sticky" marriage is not the result of a single emotional surge, but the result of a "long obedience in the same direction." This study serves as a theological anchor, moving the believer away from the "stupidity" of pushing a partner away and toward a "Resident Dynamic" of the Spirit that enables us to apply the specific, biblical habits of truth, self-control, and grace.

The core of the teaching focuses on the "Practical Imperatives" for the home. Chuck observes that the Holy Spirit is "grieved" when we allow the "corrupt communication" and "bitterness" of our old nature to dominate our domestic lives. By examining the five distinct principles of Ephesians 4:25–32, Chuck reveals that the secret to a resilient marriage is a commitment to "walking on tiptoe"—a posture of alertness, expectancy, and mutual respect. The goal of this message is to stabilize the family unit by providing a "surgery of the soul," where the "Harbor Pilot" of the Spirit navigates the couple through the "uncharted waters" of conflict and toward the "reassuring peace" of a Christ-centered union.

Message Key Facts:

• The "Tiptoe" Posture: Chuck opens with a beautiful reflection on the "joy of worship," noting that the best sermons are preached "on tiptoe" and the best songs are sung from the "edge of our seats." He applies this to marriage, suggesting that a healthy relationship requires a certain "alertness" and "expectancy." He warns against the "boredom" and "stagnation" that occur when a couple stops investing the effort required to keep the marriage fresh and "gasping for oxygen."
• Laying Aside the Masks (Truth): A major highlight is Chuck’s analysis of "laying aside falsehood." He links this to the "fig leaves" of Genesis 3, noting that we are all prone to hide behind masks of perfection or silence. Chuck argues that "truth-telling" is the first step toward intimacy. In a Spirit-filled home, there is no place for the "scales of unbelief" that lead us to lie to ourselves or our partners about our needs and failures.
• Managing the Heat (Anger): Chuck explores the "dual nature" of anger: "Be angry and yet do not sin." He notes that while some anger is righteous, it becomes a "tunnel of horror" when it is clutched beyond the setting of the sun. By allowing the "sun to go down on our wrath," we give the devil a "foothold" or an "opportunity" in our homes. Chuck encourages a "talk straight" policy that resolves conflict quickly through the "Resident Dynamic" of the Spirit's self-control.
• From Taking to Giving (Labor): Chuck looks at the surprising command to "steal no longer, but rather labor." He applies this spiritually to marriage, noting that many spouses "steal" time, attention, and respect from their partners without giving back. He argues that a thriving marriage is built when two people work hard not just to "have," but to have something "to share" with the one they love most.
• The Filter of Speech (Edification): Chuck addresses the "corrupt communication" that acts like a "minor key" of discord in many homes. He distinguishes between words that "tear down" and words that "build up" (edify). He warns that the Spirit is "grieved" when our tongues become weapons of destruction rather than "instruments of grace." The Spirit acts as the "inner filter" that helps us choose words that give "grace to those who hear."
• The Final Glue (Kindness): The sermon reaches its climax with the command to "be kind to one another." Chuck revisits the "Dirty Feet" theology, noting that kindness is the "washing" of the relationship through tender-heartedness and forgiveness. He argues that because God has forgiven us in Christ, we have no right to withhold forgiveness from our spouses. This "forgiveness policy" is the ultimate glue that makes the marriage stick.

Message References:

• Ephesians 4:25–32: The primary text for the study. Chuck walks through the commands regarding truth-telling, anger management, honest labor, edifying speech, and the "tender-hearted" forgiveness that reflects the character of Christ.
• Colossians 3:16: The call to "let the word of Christ dwell in you richly." Chuck links this to the "Resident Dynamic" of the Spirit that enables a couple to sing with "grace in their hearts."
• Psalm 32:8: The promise of divine guidance. Chuck reaffirms the "Harbor Pilot" concept, noting that God "counsels us with His eye upon us" as we navigate the complexities of marriage.
• Proverbs 3:5–6: A reminder to "lean not on our own understanding" when domestic "rattling tests" occur, trusting instead in the Lord's direction.
• Matthew 11:28–30: The invitation to "rest." Chuck suggests that a Spirit-filled marriage is one where the couple finds rest in Christ’s "easy yoke" rather than the "fleshly effort" of trying to change one another.
• 1 John 1:9: The "restoration" verse. Chuck notes that because we are "fellow strugglers," we must stay at the foot of the Cross, keeping "short accounts" with God and each other through confession.
• Genesis 2:24: The "Original Design" revisited. Chuck connects the "joining" and "sticking" of marriage to the "leaving and cleaving" process established in Eden.

Message Speaker:

Pastor Chuck Swindoll