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Things I've Learned from Raising Kids

A good sense of humor is essential in life. And taking some time each day to laugh can lighten any load. Here’s some funnies for today.

Things I’ve Learned from Raising Kids

• A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-square-foot home four inches deep.
• If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with Rollerblades, they can ignite.
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20-foot room.
• You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
• When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
• Glass windows, even double-paned, don’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
• When you hear the toilet flush and the word “uh-oh,” it’s already too late.
• Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke—and lots of it.
• The first swimming pool for many children is the toilet.
• A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint, even though a 36-year-old man says it can’t be done except in the movies.
• Certain Legos will pass through the entire digestive tract.
• No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still cannot walk on water.
• VCRs do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even though the TV commercials show that they do.
• Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. However, cats throw up twice their bodyweight when dizzy.