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Enlarging Your Circle

My wife, Cornelia, and I sat in the home of a pastor and his wife, trying hard not to skirt the marital issues that faced this couple. They had been married for many years and had a beautiful family, yet they’d reached a critical period in their relationship. Would their marriage survive?

In an attempt to bridge the widening communication gap between this husband and wife, we asked them to draw pictures of how they felt about issues such as their marriage, each other as individuals, their children, their ministry work and, most importantly, Christ. A quick scan of their drawings highlighted a disturbing feature. In the corner of the sheet about their marriage, the pastor’s wife had drawn a small circle with her name inside, indicating she felt terribly alone and insignificant. 

The subsequent discussions and behavioral changes became the turning point in this couple’s marriage. The lines of communication are now open; they’ve started verbalizing their thoughts and actively listening to each other. I’m happy to report their marriage is now strong and vibrant—just as God intended.

Many women find themselves in the same condition as this pastor’s wife. And the feeling isn’t restricted to marriage; it permeates their existence. 

Over the past few years, I’ve had the privilege of attending the annual Women’s Conference at Belgrave Heights Convention in the mountains east of Melbourne, Australia. The question I’m always asked when I share that is, “Why are you going to a women’s conference?” Well, as the executive director of Insight for Living Australia, I’m keen to show people, male or female, how God’s Word can be applied simply and practically to their lives. But, I’ve also been told I need to be there because I have four grown daughters! (I’m not sure if that means I have some wisdom to impart or that I have a lot to learn. I suspect it’s the latter.)

In 2009, the conference organizers chose one of Insight for Living’s LifeMaps books as the centerpiece of the conference: Releasing Worry and Finding Worth as a Woman. I believe it should be required reading for every woman . . . and every man. It highlights the supreme worth of women, helping them start on a journey of releasing the constraints of low self-esteem. 

How better equipped would that pastor’s wife, and indeed the pastor himself, had been if they had understood God’s unique design of women? While men, generally, have much work to do in understanding and affirming their female counterparts, women also need to take an active approach in understanding themselves. Rather than live in a small circle in the corner, God desires they fill their world with the bountiful and beautiful attributes He has given them. And their spouses must choose to strengthen, not sabotage, that effort.

At the 2010 women’s conference, Insight for Living was asked to submit a book as a gift for those in attendance. We chose The Wise and the Wild: 30 Devotions on Women of the Bible.

More than 800 women had the opportunity to read about some of the amazing women in the Bible. As Chuck wrote: 

We would be wise to look once or twice again at the realistic portraits of women that Scripture paints. God gives us living portraits in colors true to their characters—some dark, others bright, some wise, others wild—all of them at crossroads of choice, confronting their culture and times. ¹

I’ve observed over the years that most women need to be in relationship with other women. I’ve seen this in my own home as my daughters have grown up—our home ever vibrating with the buzz of friends. But standing in the foyer of a convention center, surrounded by a cacophony of excited conversations from 800 women was a unique experience—one most guys would steer clear of. For me, however, it was a reminder that women are energized by each other and that the Bible is packed full of examples and applications that honor and celebrate them. 

My job as a husband, father, and friend—in fact, it’s every man’s job—is to support, encourage, affirm, and actively communicate to the women in my life that God hasn’t placed them in a small circle to live isolated and alone. Instead, God actively seeks to enlarge their circles so they may become the people He intends.