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''A Husband of One Wife'' and the Issue of Divorce

According to Titus 1:6, a pastor or elder must be a “husband of one wife.” The Greek reads, literally, “one-woman man.” I have in my library 14 volumes on Paul’s letter to Titus. That’s a good thing. What’s not good is this: They convey 11 opinions on the precise interpretation of “one-woman man” and its practical application. Small wonder there is so much confusion!

At the most basic level, this phrase refers to a man who is married to one woman and living in harmony with her. It implies sexual purity and a reputation for devotion to his mate.

It’s helpful to note that all the qualifications listed for Titus and Timothy (see also 1 Timothy 3:1–7) point to matters of character. Because this qualification appears second in both lists, just after “above reproach,” we gain a sense of its importance in Paul’s mind. Marriage carries with it such exacting responsibilities and reveals so much about a person; it serves as an excellent barom­eter of a man’s true inner character. How a man conducts himself in his marriage says a lot about how he will bear the responsibilities of spiritual leadership among members of his congregation.

John Phillips writes with helpful wisdom: “Marriages bring disciplines as well as delights. It is an arena where love and loyalty can be practiced, where lessons in personal relationships can be learned, where theories are tested in the crucible of experience, where limits have to be observed. A good husband is faithful to his wife, a good provider, a spiritual leader, loving his wife as Christ loved the church.”¹

Another commentator adds, “Many a wise pastor has advised potential leaders whose marriages need attention not to seek church office, despite the fact they are technically married. God requires the church to determine whether a potential elder’s marriage is whole, healthy, and solid. As a corollary, men with damaged or deficient marriages should not pursue church leadership positions thinking that others will not care or notice. They will care and they will notice.”²

In an ideal world, all overseers are to be blameless, flawless, faithful husbands and fathers. Unfortunately, sin mars the ideal. Depravity is ever among us, taking its toll on husbands as well as wives. As a result, inconsistencies and failures plague us all. Therefore, it would be hypocritical to be too rigid concerning the issue of divorce. It seems nonsensical to me that a man who lived with several women before conversion and then marries a woman after his conversion can be received as a pastor or elder, yet a man whose marriage ended in divorce (often against his desire) would be denied an opportunity to lead, regardless of the reason for his divorce. Obviously, the issue is complicated.

Taking everything into consideration, let me offer these contrasting lists to clarify my position. When Paul writes that the overseer is to be “a one-woman man” in Titus 1:6 and 1 Timothy 3:2:

I do not believe:

• Paul means to exclude those who have never married.
• Paul means to exclude those who are widowed, whether remarried or not.
• Paul means to suggest that one must be married to serve as an overseer.

I do believe:

• Paul means to underscore specifically the importance of steadfast morality and consistent fidelity to one’s spouse and marital vows.
• Paul means to keep the standard high, as close to ideal as possible.

Therefore, I have determined it is both safe and wise when selecting overseers to give preference to those who have faithfully remained married to the same spouse, and therefore embody the literal interpretation of “one-woman man” (the ideal). I recognize, however, legitimate exceptions to this ideal standard, such as the case of a faithful husband whose unfaithful spouse refused to continue their marriage. Against his desire and despite his best efforts to reconcile, he becomes divorced from that first spouse, and perhaps marries another, to whom he remains utterly faithful. I would call such a man “a one-woman man.”

Obviously, determining who is at fault in a divorce can become a dubious and tedious exercise. All marriages involve a combination of two lives—both sinful—with each contributing to the cause for divorce. We can call neither partner completely innocent or “above reproach.” Only God can see the secrets of their hearts, sort the details, and sift their motives to determine who caused the marriage to break down. So, I return to my general policy of giving preference to those who have faithfully remained married to the same spouse.