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Cultivating a Tender Heart and a Tough Hide

For as long as I have been in the ministry I have asked the Lord for a balance between a tender heart and a tough hide. It isn’t an easy balance. In fact, the latter is more difficult to cultivate than the former.

Those of us in ministry are big targets. We make great lightning rods! Know what I mean? Every passionate pastor, every Christian leader, and every Christian author I know can list a litany of things that have been said and done against them—many of them unfairly.

Few handle criticism well. But we’d all have to agree, there was one man who handled it with grace and grit—the apostle Paul.

Seven Ways to Balance Being Tender and Tough

In Acts 24, Paul is on the witness stand before Governor Felix while a shady lawyer named Tertullus pontificates through some trumped-up charges. As you read along in this chapter, you will notice Paul waits for the smoke to clear and then calmly steps up to offer a defense. Paul’s words illustrate seven ways to maintain a tender heart and a tough hide while enduring criticism.

First, Paul refused to get caught up in the emotion of the charges. Everything in us prefers to lash out, to protest, to defend ourselves, to cry, or simply walk out. Paul, however, refused to overreact. His opening line is disarmingly pleasant, “I cheerfully make my defense” (Acts 24:10 NASB).

Cheerfully? By now the man ought to be royally ticked off! Even though labeled as “a public menace” and a ringleader of a cult (Acts 24:5 NASB), Paul graciously acknowledged the opportunity to make a defense. Refusing to let his emotions take the lead, he stayed controlled and courteous.

When we lower ourselves to the overcharged emotions of accusers, our anger is triggered. When that occurs, straight thinking caves in to irrational responses and impulsive words. Paul didn’t go there. Neither should we.

Second, Paul stayed with the facts. He said, in effect, “You can check my record. Twelve days ago I went up to worship. You can ask those who were there.” He reported,

“My accusers never found me arguing with anyone in the Temple, nor stirring up a riot in any synagogue or on the streets of the city. These men cannot prove the things they accuse me of doing.” (Acts 24:12–13)

The apostle never blinked. He calmly stood his ground with stubborn facts. That strategy not only kept him on target, it enhanced his credibility in the eyes of Governor Felix.

Third, Paul told the truth with a clear conscience. He stated,

“But I admit that I follow the Way . . . . I worship the God of our ancestor, and I firmly believe the Jewish law . . . . I have the same hope in God that these men have . . . . I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people.” (Acts 24:14–16)

There is nothing like a clean conscience. It not only helps you sleep well, it keeps you thinking clearly. You have no fear that some skeleton will rattle when an investigation begins . . . because there is no skeleton!

Four, Paul identified the original source of the criticism. Few things are more maddening than shadowboxing when you’re dealing with criticism. One of the worst things you can do is to spread the venom to a number of other people—your children, your parents, your friends, or a group of other Christians—rather than going to the original source of contention and addressing it. You need a tough hide to do that. It takes guts.

Fifth, Paul would not surrender or quit. I love that about Paul. He’s like a pit bull on your ankle; he won’t let go! Take a moment to read 2 Corinthians 11:23–33. Beaten, bloodied, shipwrecked, harassed, endangered, run out of town, and falsely accused, Paul didn’t give up, let up, or shut up.

Sixth, Paul did not become impatient or bitter. For two years Paul had been waiting for this trial. Did you know that? Yet we see no sign of bitterness. No impatience. No grudges. No ranting against the Roman authorities. Paul believed God was firmly in control of both people and events.

Seventh, Paul stood on the promise of God. You know what flashed through my mind when I read this passage in Acts 24? A song I’ve sung in church since I was just a kid in Sunday school: “Standing on the Promises of God.” Someone has said that there are over 7,000 promises in the Bible. Have you claimed even one this past week? How about two? Do I hear five?

Handling Criticism with Grit and Grace

What about you? How do you deal with judgmental remarks, those unkind put-downs made to your face or, worse, behind your back? When a congregant mocks your teaching on biblical parenting, when that couple in a small group questions every decision you make, when you find out a fellow Christian (or pastor) you thought was your friend has been spreading rumors about you, how do you respond?

Based on Paul’s example:

1. Refuse to get caught up in the emotion of the charges.
2. Stay with the facts.
3. Tell the truth with a clear conscience.
4. Identify the original source of the accusations.
5. Refuse to surrender or quit.
6. Become neither impatient nor bitter.
7. Stand on the promise of God.

Is that great or what? And it’s all from the Bible.

My fellow pastor, you can do every one of those seven. If you want a tender heart and a tough hide when enduring criticism, you must do them.

So must I.

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