September 05, 2024
by Pastor Chuck Swindoll
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According to Titus 1:6, a pastor or elder must be a “husband of one wife.”
The Greek reads, literally, “one-woman man.” I have in my library 14
volumes on Paul’s letter to Titus. That’s a good thing. What’s not good is
this: They convey 11 opinions on the precise interpretation of
“one-woman man” and its practical application. Small wonder there is so
much confusion!
At the most basic level, this phrase refers to a man who is married to one
woman and living in harmony with her. It implies sexual purity and a
reputation for devotion to his mate.
It’s helpful to note that all the qualifications listed for Titus and
Timothy (see also 1 Timothy 3:1–7) point to matters of character. Because
this qualification appears second in both lists, just after “above
reproach,” we gain a sense of its importance in Paul’s mind. Marriage
carries with it such exacting responsibilities and reveals so much about a
person; it serves as an excellent barometer of a man’s true inner
character. How a man conducts himself in his marriage says a lot about how
he will bear the responsibilities of spiritual leadership among members of
his congregation.
John Phillips writes with helpful wisdom: “Marriages bring disciplines as
well as delights. It is an arena where love and loyalty can be practiced,
where lessons in personal relationships can be learned, where theories are
tested in the crucible of experience, where limits have to be observed. A
good husband is faithful to his wife, a good provider, a spiritual leader,
loving his wife as Christ loved the church.”1
Another commentator adds, “Many a wise pastor has advised potential leaders
whose marriages need attention not to seek church office, despite the fact
they are technically married. God requires the church to determine whether
a potential elder’s marriage is whole, healthy, and solid. As a corollary,
men with damaged or deficient marriages should not pursue church leadership
positions thinking that others will not care or notice. They will care and
they will notice.”2
In an ideal world, all overseers are to be blameless, flawless, faithful
husbands and fathers. Unfortunately, sin mars the ideal. Depravity is ever
among us, taking its toll on husbands as well as wives. As a result,
inconsistencies and failures plague us all. Therefore, it would be
hypocritical to be too rigid concerning the issue of divorce. It seems
nonsensical to me that a man who lived with several women before conversion
and then marries a woman after his conversion can be received as a pastor
or elder, yet a man whose marriage ended in divorce (often against his
desire) would be denied an opportunity to lead, regardless of the reason
for his divorce. Obviously, the issue is complicated.
Taking everything into consideration, let me offer these contrasting lists
to clarify my position. When Paul writes that the overseer is to be “a
one-woman man” in Titus 1:6 and 1 Timothy 3:2:
I do not believe:
- Paul means to exclude those who have never married.
- Paul means to exclude those who are widowed, whether remarried or
not.
- Paul means to suggest that one must be married to serve as an
overseer.
I do believe:
- Paul means to underscore specifically the importance of steadfast
morality and consistent fidelity to one’s spouse and marital vows.
- Paul means to keep the standard high, as close to ideal as
possible.
Therefore, I have determined it is both safe and wise when selecting
overseers to give preference to those who have faithfully remained married
to the same spouse, and therefore embody the literal interpretation of
“one-woman man” (the ideal). I recognize, however, legitimate exceptions to
this ideal standard, such as the case of a faithful husband whose
unfaithful spouse refused to continue their marriage. Against his desire and
despite his best efforts to reconcile, he becomes divorced from that first
spouse, and perhaps marries another, to whom he remains utterly faithful. I
would call such a man “a one-woman man.”
Obviously, determining who is at fault in a divorce can become a dubious
and tedious exercise. All marriages involve a combination of two lives—both
sinful—with each contributing to the cause for divorce. We can call neither
partner completely innocent or “above reproach.” Only God can see the
secrets of their hearts, sort the details, and sift their motives to
determine who caused the marriage to break down. So, I return to my general
policy of giving preference to those who have faithfully remained
married to the same spouse.