Courteous Twins in a Corrupt Culture

Message Summary:

In this message from the series on the Fruit of the Spirit, Chuck Swindoll examines two virtues he describes as “courtesy twins”: kindness and goodness. Swindoll begins by analyzing the “corrupt culture” in which believers live. Using an ancient Chinese proverb about fish not knowing they are wet, he illustrates how Christians can become so immersed in their environment that they become oblivious to its negative influence. He argues that modern culture has squeezed society into a mold where “common sense” and “common courtesy” are largely extinct [4–7].

To counter this cultural drift, Swindoll turns to Ephesians 4:24–32, a passage he labels “Christianity 101.” He walks through a series of “backdoor” instructions on what not to do, which ultimately clears the way for kindness and goodness to flourish. He addresses the necessity of abandoning lying for truth, managing anger so it does not fester, ceasing all forms of stealing (even small office supplies), and eliminating foul language, which he describes as a sign of a limited vocabulary [14–16, 18, 22].

The message culminates with a powerful illustration involving Dr. Harry Harlow’s famous experiments with baby monkeys. Swindoll details how the monkeys consistently chose a soft “terry cloth mother” over a “wire mesh mother,” even when the wire mother provided milk. He applies this to the Christian life, asserting that the world is full of “wire mesh” harshness. He challenges believers to become “terry cloth Christians”—approachable, comforting, and kind—modeled after Jesus, whom “sinners” loved to be around because He offered refuge rather than judgment [24–28].

Message Key Facts:

• The Courtesy Twins: Swindoll groups kindness and goodness together because they are so similar in nature, functioning as twins that promote harmony and cooperation in families, schools, and churches.
• The Fish and Water Analogy: Swindoll uses the proverb “If you want to know what water is, don’t ask a fish” to explain cultural assimilation. Just as fish are oblivious to the water they swim in, people often fail to realize how deeply they have been influenced by the “group think” of their age [4–6].
• The Loss of “Common” Traits: Swindoll observes that two things are conspicuously absent in modern society: Common Sense (people often act without thinking of consequences) and Common Courtesy (basic phrases like “thank you” and “you’re welcome” have vanished) [5, 7–8].
• Paul Newman and the Ice Cream: To illustrate how culture causes people to lose their composure around celebrities, Swindoll tells a story of a woman who was so flustered by seeing actor Paul Newman that she put her ice cream cone in her purse [9–10].
• Christianity 101: Swindoll identifies the instructions in Ephesians 4 as the basics of the faith. He challenges believers to stop lying (even to spare feelings), to stop stealing (including unreturned books or office clips), and to stop using abusive language [14–15, 18, 22].
• Anger as Wet Cement: Commenting on the command not to let the sun go down on anger, Swindoll compares lingering anger to wet cement. If left overnight, it hardens into bitterness and gives the devil a foothold in one’s life [16–17].
• The Stolen Softballs: Swindoll shares a personal childhood confession of stealing a dozen softballs from a store where he worked. His father made him return them and confess to his boss, who fired him. This painful lesson taught him the high cost of theft [19–21].
• Terry Cloth vs. Wire Mesh: Swindoll details a study where baby monkeys preferred a soft, cloth surrogate mother over a wire one, proving that “contact comfort” is a primary need. He argues that legalists and Pharisees are “wire mesh” (harsh and repelling), while Jesus was “terry cloth” (comforting and attractive to the broken) [24–28].

Message References:

• Ephesians 4:24–32: The primary text outlining the “new nature” and the commands to put away lying, anger, stealing, and corrupt speech in favor of kindness and forgiveness [1–3].
• Romans 12:2 (JB Phillips): “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold”.
• Genesis 6:5: Referenced to show that humanity’s thoughts are “only evil continually” by nature.
• Romans 5:12: “Through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin”.
• Psalm 51: David’s admission that “in sin my mother conceived me,” highlighting human depravity.

Message Speaker:

Pastor Chuck Swindoll