Danger Signs of Marital Erosion

Message Summary:

In this sobering and deeply practical message, Chuck Swindoll addresses the silent killer of modern relationships: erosion. He begins by distinguishing between a “blowout”—a sudden, explosive end to a marriage—and a “washout,” which is the slow, steady process of spiritual and emotional drift. Chuck argues that most families do not collapse overnight; they are gradually undermined by the “sounds and noise and the drag of our culture” until the foundation is too weak to support the structure. Drawing from the tragic life of Eli the priest in 1 Samuel, Chuck provides a theological anchor for couples, moving them away from the “rationalization” of dysfunction and toward a “Resident Dynamic” of the Spirit that catches the signs of erosion before the damage is permanent.

The core of the teaching focuses on the “Eli Factor”—the phenomenon of being a public success while remaining a private failure. Chuck observes that Eli was a man of God who faithfully served in the tabernacle, yet he allowed his own home to become a place of “worthless” behavior and spiritual decay. By examining the three primary warning signs of marital and parental erosion, Chuck reveals that the greatest threat to our homes is not the world’s external pressure, but our own internal passivity. The goal of this message is to stabilize the family unit by encouraging a “talk straight” policy, where the “Harbor Pilot” of the Holy Spirit is invited to navigate the deep and often difficult waters of domestic honesty.

Message Key Facts:

• The Nature of Erosion: Chuck highlights that erosion is characterized by its silence and its persistence. Like the wind and the rain slowly wearing down a mountain, the “busyness” of life and the lack of intentionality slowly wear down the intimacy of a marriage. He warns that because erosion doesn’t happen with a “bang,” it is easy to ignore until the “stormy experiences” of life finally cause the relationship to cave in.
• The “Successful” Failure: A major highlight is Chuck’s analysis of Eli. Eli was a respected high priest and a judge in Israel for forty years, yet he failed the “rattling test” of his own household. Chuck uses Eli to illustrate that spiritual credentials and professional busywork are no substitute for an authentic, active presence at home. He emphasizes that we must “turn the corner” and realize that our primary ministry is to those who share our blood, our name, and our flesh.
• Warning Sign 1: The “Falling Behind” Syndrome: Chuck points out that erosion begins when we allow our schedules to dictate our priorities. He notes that many parents are so busy providing a “lifestyle” for their children that they fail to provide a “life.” This busyness acts as a “minor key” that drowns out the Spirit’s still, small voice, leading to a state of “practical atheism” within the home.
• Warning Sign 2: The Failure to “Talk Straight”: Chuck dives into the “weak rebuke” Eli gave to his sons. Rather than exercising his authority to restrain their evil, Eli offered a soft, delayed, and ineffective verbal tap on the wrist. Chuck argues that a Spirit-filled home requires the courage to confront sin directly. He posits that the Spirit acts as an “inner filter” that prompts us to speak the truth in love before a “twinge of conviction” turns into a “tunnel of horror.”
• Warning Sign 3: The Trap of Rationalization: Chuck explores how Eli “honored his sons above God.” He notes that Eli made excuses for his family’s behavior rather than taking decisive action. Chuck warns the congregation against the “scales of unbelief” that lead us to believe things are “okay” just because there hasn’t been a public scandal yet. He asserts that we must “wake up” and stop lying to ourselves about the health of our marriages.
• The Harbor Pilot of Restoration: Revisiting his central series analogy, Chuck describes the Spirit as the “Pilot” who can sense the erosion even when the “external skin” of the family looks perfect. When a marriage is “teetering” or “reaching critical mass,” the Spirit provides the “reassuring sense of peace” and the “wisdom” needed to pull up close, talk straight, and rebuild the foundation.

Message References:

• 1 Samuel 2:12–17 & 22–25: The primary text detailing the “worthless” behavior of Eli’s sons and Eli’s ineffective attempt to correct them. Chuck uses this to show the “Danger Signs” of a parent who has lost their “spiritual handle” on the home.
• 1 Samuel 2:29–30: God’s piercing indictment of Eli: “Why do you kick at My sacrifice… and honor your sons above Me?” Chuck uses this to support the “Rationalization” highlight, showing the danger of misplaced loyalties.
• 1 Samuel 3:13: The definitive judgment on Eli’s house because “his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.” Chuck emphasizes the “accountability” of the head of the home to be an active guardian of the family’s character.
• Proverbs 27:23: The command to “Know well the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds.” Chuck applies this to the “Marital Audit,” encouraging couples to be “attentive” to the state of their relationship rather than assuming it will survive on its own.
• Ephesians 5:21–25: The New Testament standard for a Spirit-filled marriage. Chuck links “mutual submission” and “Christ-like love” to the “Resident Dynamic” that prevents erosion by keeping the couple “yielded” to one another and the Lord.
• Psalm 127:1: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” Chuck uses this to warn against the “fleshly effort” of trying to save a marriage through human techniques rather than Spirit-led dependence.
• Lamentations 3:21–24: The “Minor Key” of hope. Chuck reminds those who are currently experiencing “marital erosion” that God’s mercies are “new every morning” and that the “Harbor Pilot” is capable of restoring even the most “shabby” and “loved to pieces” relationships.

Message Speaker:

Pastor Chuck Swindoll