Overview:
Inadequacy and inferiority are among the most painful feelings with which we all struggle from our earliest years onward. The battle for self-worth rages relentlessly within many—perhaps most—children and teenagers. And becoming an adult does not automatically erase this internal battle. Because much of the answer is found in a healthy and nourishing parent-child relationship, we must learn what the Bible says about cultivating a life of self-worth and overcoming this common struggle.
Message Summary:
In this encouraging and practical message, Chuck Swindoll addresses the vital task of helping children (and adults) discover their God-given identity. Swindoll anchors his teaching in a simple twelve-word mantra for navigating life’s transitions and pressures: “Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are”. He contrasts two types of people: “parrot people,” who stay safely in the cage of conformity repeating what they hear, and “eagle thinkers,” who are courageous, tough-minded, and willing to fly alone.
Swindoll challenges the evangelical tendency to focus solely on human depravity while neglecting the biblical truth of human worth. While affirming that all are sinners by nature, he argues that because humans are stamped with the image of God and “skillfully wrought” by Him in the womb, every person is a “marvel” and a “unique moment of the universe”. Parents are urged to look past the “mess” of childhood—much like Benjamin West’s mother did—to affirm the budding artist or leader underneath.
The message concludes by identifying the dangers of low self-worth, such as defensiveness, abuse, and hiding behind masks, and offers three strategies from Proverbs 4 to build confidence: being a model of authenticity, encouraging children to be real rather than religious, and affirming the rewards of walking with God.
Message Key Facts:
- The Twelve Words: Swindoll suggests a specific guiding principle for those facing transitions or parenting challenges: “Know who you are. Accept who you are. Be who you are”.
- Parrots vs. Eagles:
- Parrots: Like the predictable and secure, staying in the cage to receive strokes from a “mutual admiration society”.
- Eagles: Driven to search and discover, they are not afraid to be the “wind beneath their wings” to fly independently.
- “You Are a Marvel”: Swindoll quotes cellist Pablo Casals, arguing that schools teach facts like “two and two make four,” but parents must teach children that they are unique marvels capable of anything.
- The Benjamin West Story: The famous artist attributed his success to his mother’s kiss. When he made a mess trying to paint his sister, his mother ignored the spill, praised the painting, and kissed him, validating his identity rather than criticizing his mistake.
- Theology of Self-Worth: Swindoll clarifies that teaching self-worth does not negate the doctrine of sin or depravity. Instead, it recognizes that God created our “inward parts” and wrote our days in His book before we were born, giving every life intrinsic value.
- Builder vs. Wrecker: Swindoll cites a poem asking if one is a “builder” who constructs with care or a “wrecker” content with tearing down. He challenges parents to stop tearing their children down through comparison and instead build them up according to their unique design.
- Consequences of Low Self-Worth:
- Defensiveness: Like King Saul, who became insecure and violent because he couldn’t handle David’s success.
- Submission to Extremes: Allowing others to abuse or take advantage because one feels they “don’t deserve better”.
- Wearing Masks: Hiding behind piety, conformity, or comedy (clowning) to conceal pain.
- The “Squirrel” Story: Swindoll uses a humorous story about children in Sunday School answering “Jesus” to a riddle clearly describing a squirrel to illustrate “hot-house religion”—where children learn to be phony rather than real.
- The Red Plate Tradition: Swindoll shares a family tradition of using a special “red plate” at dinner to honor a family member for birthdays or small victories, effectively communicating, “You are special”.
Message References:
- Psalm 139:13–16: Describes God supernaturally shaping the “inward parts” and “unformed substance” of a child in the womb, proving that every individual is “fearfully and wonderfully made” and has days ordained by God.
- Proverbs 4:20–27: The command to “watch over your heart with all diligence,” which Swindoll applies as a call to authentic living and keeping one’s “eyes look directly ahead” rather than looking for approval from others.
- Romans 14:19: The instruction to “pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another,” serving as a mandate for parents to build up their children rather than tear them down.
- Proverbs 14:13: “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain,” used to illustrate how humor can mask deep insecurity and childhood hurts.
- Ephesians 4:3: A call to “keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace”.
