Overview:
Fathers get a bad rap these days. Some weren’t there enough. Some didn’t provide enough. Others weren’t strong enough. The list seems to go on and on. But when we come to the Proverbs, we find a markedly different picture. Fathers are mentioned at least 26 times in this famous book of wisdom, and interestingly, each time it’s a positive reference. Solomon doesn’t berate dads and their failures but looks for opportunities to laud their significance in who they are and how they relate to us. In times like these, we need a vote in favor of fatherhood.
Message Summary:
In a culture that often criticizes men or portrays them as incompetent, Chuck Swindoll offers a message served on the “Red Plate”—a Swindoll family tradition reserved for honoring someone special—to affirm the vital role of fatherhood. Acknowledging that fathers often hide their feelings and fears behind a facade of strength to avoid looking weak, Swindoll encourages men to embrace their biblical calling rather than succumbing to a generation that “curses their fathers” [7–9, 11].
Drawing primarily from the book of Proverbs, the message outlines three essential roles a father must fill:
- The Provider: One who prioritizes the family’s needs above personal popularity or workplace politics, ensuring the home is secure [17–20].
- The Maintainer: One who establishes “ancient boundaries” of morality and integrity, providing the security children crave in a chaotic world [21–22].
- The Instructor: One who trains children not just in religious matters, but in life skills—choosing friends, academic effort, and maintaining sexual purity.
Swindoll concludes by challenging fathers to prioritize their relationships over their careers. He urges men to openly show affection to their wives and to protect their “oneness” with their children, ensuring that professional success never shoves the family aside. The ultimate goal is to leave a legacy where, long after the father is gone, he is remembered for his integrity [39–41, 43].
Message Key Facts:
- The “Red Plate” Tradition: Swindoll introduces a family tradition where a special red plate reading “You are special today” is used for birthdays, graduations, or tough days. He uses this metaphor to “serve” this sermon to fathers to honor them rather than critique them [3–5].
- The Pressure to Hide Feelings: Citing D.L. Stewart’s article “Why Fathers Hide Their Feelings,” Swindoll notes the double standard where mothers are allowed to be scared or cry, while fathers are expected to fix everything (even if they don’t know how) and suppress their pain to appear like “real men” [6–9].
- The Picket Line Illustration: Swindoll shares a childhood memory of his father coming home with blood on his face after crossing a union picket line. His father accepted being called a “scab” and losing popularity because he loved providing for his family more than he loved his job [19–20].
- Boundaries Create Security: Swindoll references a report that cult leader Charles Manson received letters from young people wanting to join his “family.” He suggests this tragedy occurred because those youths came from homes with no boundaries and would “rather go in the wrong direction than go in no direction” [22–23].
- The Six Softballs: Illustrating the role of Instructor, Swindoll recounts stealing six softballs as a teenager. His father made him return to the store and confess to the boss. On the ride home, instead of shaming him, his father rebuilt his spirit, teaching him that stealing costs a person their self-respect [29–31].
- Exasperating Children: Using Ephesians 6:4, Swindoll lists six ways fathers provoke children to anger (from William Hendrickson): overprotection, favoritism, discouragement, failure to accept their growth, neglect, and cruel abuse [32–33].
- The “Celebrity” Danger: Citing Kathy Cronkite’s book On the Edge of the Spotlight, Swindoll warns successful fathers not to let the public push their children aside. He shares a story of a child physically shoved away so a fan could ask their famous father a question [40–41].
Message References:
- Proverbs 30:11–14: A description of a generation that curses its fathers and has “teeth like swords.”
- Luke 15:11–24: The Parable of the Prodigal Son, illustrating a father’s instruction and compassionate welcome.
- Proverbs 17:6: “Grandchildren are the crown of old men and the glory of sons is their fathers.”
- Proverbs 19:14: “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers” (The role of Provider).
- Proverbs 22:28: “Do not move the ancient boundary which your fathers have set” (The role of Maintainer).
- Proverbs 4:1: “Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father” (The role of Instructor).
- Ephesians 6:4: The command to bring children up in the discipline of the Lord without provoking them to anger.
- Proverbs 5:15–19: A call for fathers to “drink water from your own cistern,” emphasizing romantic fidelity and open affection toward one’s wife.
- Proverbs 20:7: “A righteous man who walks in his integrity—how blessed are his sons after him.”
