The Best-Kept Secret of Wise Parenting

In this foundational message on the family, Chuck Swindoll tackles the difficult, often exhausting task of raising children by examining the "best-known but least understood" verse in Proverbs: Proverbs 22:6. Approaching the subject not just as a pastor, but as a realist, a son, a father, and a grandfather, Swindoll dismantles the common misinterpretation of this verse—that if you raise a child in church and they rebel, they are guaranteed to return to God when they are old. Instead, Swindoll reveals the true exegetical meaning of the text: parents are called to "train up a child according to his way". The "best-kept secret" of wise parenting is studying your children to discover their unique, God-given design—their specific bents, gifts, and characteristics—and adapting your training to fit who they are, rather than forcing them into a mold or comparing them to siblings. Drawing from his own experience of feeling unnoticed as a child and his initial fears as a young father, Swindoll encourages parents to become students of their children. He explains that when a child is trained in a way that respects their God-given individuality, they will not want to "depart" from that training because it aligns with who they truly are. The message concludes with a reminder that it is never too late to start, particularly highlighting the redemptive role of grandparents in a child’s life.

Message Key Facts:

• The True Meaning of "Train Up": The Hebrew word Chanak (train up) originally referred to a midwife massaging the palate of a newborn with date syrup to create a sucking sensation. It means to create a thirst or cultivate an appetite for spiritual things.
• "Child" Applies to All Ages: The Hebrew word Naar is used in scripture for everyone from a newborn (Moses) to a teenager (Joseph) to a young man of marriageable age. Therefore, this training applies as long as the child is under the parents' roof.
• Defining "The Way": The crucial Hebrew word Derek ("way") does not mean the "path of righteousness," but rather "characteristic" or "bent." Swindoll uses Proverbs 30:18–19 to illustrate this, where the same word describes the unique movement of an eagle, a serpent, and a ship. Just as an eagle flies differently than a sparrow, each child has a unique "way" that must be understood.
• The Danger of Comparison: Swindoll shares his personal story of being the "unplanned" third child, constantly compared to his brilliant older brother and artistic sister. He warns that comparing children frustrates them because God has designed them differently, just as He made Cain and Abel, or Jacob and Esau, distinct from one another.
• The Role of Grandparents: Swindoll emphasizes that you never stop being a parent. He highlights the immense value of grandparents, noting that the most significant adult in his own life was a grandparent who "rescued" him. He urges grandparents to use this "second chance" to get it right by observing and affirming their grandchildren.
• The Billy Graham Illustration: To illustrate the importance of spending time to know one's children, Swindoll recounts a story where Billy Graham, exhausted from a crusade, did not recognize his own daughter when she was brought to see him. This serves as a warning that even godly work should not prevent a parent from knowing their own child.

Message References:

• Proverbs 22:6: The primary text: "Train up a child in the way he should go [according to his way], even when he is old he will not depart from it".
• Proverbs 20:11: "It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself" (or makes himself known).
• Proverbs 20:12: "The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made both of them"—an exhortation for parents to use their eyes and ears to study their children.
• Proverbs 29:15: A warning that a child "left" to themselves brings shame to their mother.
• Proverbs 30:18–19: A parallel passage used to define the word Derek (way) by describing the unique characteristics of an eagle, a serpent, and a ship.

Message Speaker:

Pastor Chuck Swindoll